originally written on July 17, 2003
Witness the insanity and terror.
Far away from anything I have ever known
I see trepidation, fear, awe, raw power coursing through virgin territories of the mind. Must confess, admit, a jealous streak at my not sharing in those feelings and all the ones I cannot even begin to imagine.
I MUST do this! Not just “someday” but soon. To stare fear, reservation and death straight in its unblinking eye and scream. I can only imagine how truly alive it must make you feel to come up against all that and go ahead anyway.
I wonder if ego-loss enters into the experience at all? Or is it the opposite? do you come away with a larger than life ego because you stared death in the face and leapt, to your possible demise, anyway?
Questions. No answers until experience comes first hand.
Wind. Ground rushing up at you with ever increasing speed. Adrenal gland on overload pumping the body full of endorphins and mescaline-like effects.
Sheer, unadulterated, intense experience.
What would this sensory instense experience be like with a hallucinogen added to the equation? Could the human mind handle it? Tandem jump would likely be the recommended method. That is, assuming you could find anyone to recommend tripping during free fall. With the already prevalent feelings of flight/flying while tripping I can only imagine that free falling would bring them to life in a whole new way. To see the blue while at the same time falling through the blue. Clouds below with no metal skin of an aircraft offering the illusion of security and safety.
4:20!!! Don’t I wish! Still well within the grasp of getting high this morning. Love looking at the world through the eyes of child-like innocence and wonder. So refreshing to see everything as new and fresh and full of life and hope. Spend far too much time looking at this world through shit colored glasses. Getting out of that mindset is a great and wonderful thing. Although I must admit that it is getting harder and harder to get out of that mindset without the help of drugs. This can’t be a good thing.
If I can’t control my mind without the effects of self-prescribed drugs then what is the point? Mind expansion is only beneficial if you can curb, limit, or stop the contraction of the mind afterwards. There can essentially be no afterwards. Every moment has to be lived, explored, relished as an infinite thing rapidly rushing past to join with the next. Only in this way can you put off the encroaching and impending contraction of the expanded and altered state of mind.
Reality is perception. Perceive your own reality and mold it and shape it in any way that you can, and see fit. Realize that this reality will, wuite likely, warp, twist, change, alter and morph into other realities. This should not be attempted to be controlled. Neither should it be allowed to be all consuming. A small amount of mental exercise exerted at the right time will greatly affect the amount of control you have or need at any given time.
Reality and perception go in hand and are interchangeable terms for the experience. As soon as you can come to terms with this inescapable fact, mind expansion, reality tunnels, and your own reality can be altered as much or as little as is wanted or needed.
Think of reality, your own perception of it, as a strand of thread. Sure, it can be pulled taut and made into a straight, unwavering line, but think of it in all it’s other possible states. It can be twisted, looped, wrapped around on itself. Now picture that strand in an infinite number of strands that collectively make up on large, indeed immense rope. At every point that your strand comes in contact with any other strand, that is an interaction with that strand. You can choose to soak up the energy from the interaction as a learning experience gained from the other strand’s perspective or you can choose to change the shape of your strand and move away. Either way, you should have managed to cull some sort of knowledge or insight that you previously lacked. If not, you are not trying hard enough or you are one of the millions of strands that refuse to see the experiences and intuitions of other strands that do not share in your perspective.
This is fine for most of the masses of strands; but for you, the mind explorer and expansion traveller, it can be severely limiting and even counter productive to you ultimate quest for knowledge.
Back to the strands…
Looking again at this infinite cluster of strands, you can, or should, see all the possible interactions and opportunities for learning and experiencing alternate points of view. Choose wisely and soak up the experiences that all these interactions offer.
Somehow these pages have begun turning into a manifesto of sorts or perhaps a literation of my beliefs and philosophy. Depends on whether the Unabomber affected your attenuation to the word “manifesto”.