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8
Jul
It is a like any other day. Strike that. It is a day EXACTLY like EVERY other day. I tell myself that today, this glorious day, will be different…but it never is. Today is the day that I must write, I tell myself…but I never do it. And so, here I am staring into the digitally pixelized interweb online version of my sad little life wondering what to write. There are thoughts, a great many of them in fact. There are mentally fleshed out stories that I could work on…but I won’t. You see I tell myself daily that this day I will set pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and I will write…but I won’t. There are far too many things to distractingly digital to put aside for even the most pathetic of writing…sucj as what you are reading now, I know. It doesn’t comfort me that I am writing it any more than it comforts you to be reading it. I apologize. You see there are always just a few more thousand points to score on Bejeweled Blitz. I know that if I only play that one last game I will get an truly righteous high score…but I don’t. Its not as if I am sitting here for hours playing a silly game! I am playing a game that lasts 60 seconds, and it is always just one more game, one more minute…until all the minutes in the day are used up in color matching. Digitized online life in a time suck. And a mind suck come to think of it. Instead of being away from the computer actually talking to people I spend hours reading little blurbs on Facebook or Twitter by random people, many of which I don’t actually know…wasting my time and my life 140 characters at a time(for twitter anyway. not sure what the post length limit is for facebook. note to self: waste time on facebook to find out the max length of a post.)
I have a part of my mind that is reserved just for these colossal wastes of time and I call him Jones. Yes, Jones. Why? Well, because if I don’t sit in front of a computer for as much time as humanly possible he comes to the forefront of my mind and insists that there is some vital piece of email or posting that I am missing. He sends the rest of my mind into withdrawal mode…thus his Name Is Jones. Even as I read a really fantastic book by his holiness Arthur C. Clarke this sad little mental man, Jones, will not go to sleep and leave me in peace for a spell. Perish the thought. But today, unlike every other day, I am beating him back into his corner with a rather large and painful looking stick. Okay so it is really just a mental tongue lashing. But still…
Scraps of poetry float through my head. Lyrics by Megadeth and Train accompany them. Haiku eludes me. Hyperbole, metaphor and simile do as well. “If I know I’m going crazy, I must not be insane.” a scrap of Megadeth. Sigh.
So I managed to break out of the loop of facebook/twitter/bejeweled etc. Now what? Tomorrow, or later, I may be able to actually write something of consequence.
- Tagged as:
afterthought, alternate thinking, anger, introspective, unreality
- Published by Hippy Randall in: Rants
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4 Responses to “Scraps of digital me”
i dig the new look..
So far I am liking it as well. Still fiddling with some of the options in this theme.
today IS different. it’s different because i happened to notice that your blog is back up and i came here to read it. today is different because you wrote something that i can truly connect with. i can’t tell you how many blog posts i’ve written that begin with disclaimers, excuses, apologies, and self-deprecating rants about my lack of motivation. so today, is different because you told yourself you MUST write and you DID write.
you are a writer, rick.
you are a writer, rick.
you are a writer, rick.
that needed to be said and it needed to be said three times in order for it to stick. you are not jones, and you are not a bejeweled player. you will never satisfy yourself with any high score and you will never play that perfect game and even if you do, no one will ever care.
…
okay, i just read back through that past bit and realized that i sound angry and harsh. totally didn’t mean to. i think it came out that way because i was largely talking to myself. i’ve been a bejeweled fanatic, a snood fanatic, a parallel kingdom fanatic, a light cycles fanatic, and god only knows what else. i’ve got my jones and i can relate to your need for giving him a mental tongue-lashing. it’s like any other addiction or destructive behavior, i think. it just requires constant vigilance and endless reassessment of motivation. i don’t say this as someone who has conquered it.
i do like your “jones” character, though. i like the idea of splitting up a self into multiple selves. i’m not sure if you remember enough robert anton wilson (or even what you read, exactly), but one of my favorite characters is joseph malik who speaks one of my favorite lines: a single perspective is a very narrow view view of the world. he divided his own self into multiple selves in order to be able to adapt to any situation he was ever in. he could switch from new york intellectual to midwestern cowboy to occultist to publishing professional simply by becoming any one of his selves. i don’t think jones is necessarily a character you’d want to try to be; i’ve just always been fascinated by the idea of partitioning the self and compartmentalizing personal characters. another swell guy to look into is the occultist/family man/rocket scientist jack parsons. he actively split his personality into three separate selves, even with different names.
on a completely different note, i have things to say about the blog itself:
1. huzzah! good work.
2. i don’t like that i can’t see the date of posts.
3. i don’t know if these comments are posting. maybe they just have to be approved first?
4. keep it up.
chris barr recently posted..chris barr became a registered member
hmmm I didn’t notice that the date of the posts wasn’t there. I see no option anywhere for it either. I’ll have to look through the theme files and find where that info is and adjust it.
Hippy Randall recently posted..Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-27
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