I missed all the Sunday news talk shows due to a second hangover in as many days so I can’t comment on them this week. I would like to touch on the post I made about Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment Hour on Countdown the other night though. Read the rest of this entry…

I plan on writing about this later, after I have watched it again and mulled it over in my mind but for now if you have not seen the special hour long “Special Comment” that Keith Olbermann did on Countdown on Wednesday, please take some time to watch it now:

Oh man my disinterest in the human condition has taken a turn for the worse. I am disinterested, disheartened, nay even down right disgusted. I cannot point to any single thing or issue that has brought these feelings on, I have always been rather disappointed in the human race, it has just gotten worse lately. Read the rest of this entry…

I have come to notice in recent weeks that the vast majority of my experience of the world has been from the television. How terribly sad for me. I watch these shows, like Globe Trekker; No Reservations; Rick Steve’s Europe and so many others and I am so jealous of the hosts, and the tourists that get to experience the areas.

I had never wanted to be a world traveller. I generally had very little interest in the world as a whole. My little corner of it held enough interest and possiblity for me. Now I only want to get out there and see more. I am no longer satisfied with looking out on the wonders of this world through my LCD eyes.

I wonder if I can get a passport?

And so it is the weekend of celebrations. Rockets red glare, bombs bursting in air and all that. I can’t help but think of us, the USA, as the ‘land of not so free’ and the very few ‘brave’. I felt much better and even hopeful about the state of the country in January than I do now. This was supposed to be the time for change but all I see is more of the same. Sad, very sad.

What would the founders of this nation think if they were brought back to life now? I think they would be flabbergasted at the way things have worked out. I know that the way that things are in this country makes me want to cry, and I have grown up with the ever increasing corruption and governmental control. 1984 is not just a book for those of us that are paying attention, it has become a reality. Show me an area of your life that isn’t infected by the strong arm of the government and I will show you something that you are not paying attention to. Sad, so very very sad.

Luckily I have my governmentally approved alcoholic beverage of choice, some governmentally stamped grade A beef, and some governemtally discharged ‘bombs bursting in air’ to assuage my cynicisms…for now. Ok, at least until the beer runs out.

Enjoy fellow not-so-free brethren. Rejoice in your booze and bombs. We have all weekend to sober up.

It’s been a long time coming. It has actually been about 16 years. It is now time to focus on how I am going to reinvent myself…again.

The last time I reinvented myself was when I was 21 and took on a job as a carpet installer/laborer. I think that was a major turning point in my life since it was a “profession” and not just another job. I did floor installation for most of the next decade and a half more often than not and only stopped due to this maddening medical fiasco that has been raging over the past almost three years now.

So, a new me must be born to replace the one that will no longer be viable after March 30th, 2009. What shall I do? I have given some thought to going back to school for programming or some other such techy related thing. As to a job I cannot for the life of me think of anything that I would actually want to do day in and day out. I never was very good at keeping a “regular” 9 to 5 type job, which is another reason that I stayed with flooring for so long.

Is this what it feels like to be floundering with the age old question: ”Who am I?” Early on set mid-life crisis in the making, here?

I thought I would never do this here, but, here goes:

When the pain is a constant, all-consuming thing what can be done? Wish for the end of it ALL is what I find myself doing more and more. The end, for me, would mean the sweet, silent embrace of nothingness. I hope there is an end and not a new beginning. The thought of living through pain all over again is beyond horrible. Nightmares are far more comforting than the thought of reliving a life that includes such immeasurable pain. All the pain killers given by the pill pushing doctors do nothing to stop all this pain. Read the rest of this entry…