Death. Just the word makes most people’s skin crawl.

It seems so…final. So much more so as an atheist. Religious people have an afterlife to look forward to after their death. An atheist knows, or is at least fairly certain, that there is no pearly gates, St. Peter or 72 virgins waiting for them on the other side of life.

Death has been on my mind a lot lately and not because I am wanting to die; set your mind at ease with that. My uncle, Galen, died a week ago and it has hit me fairly hard. I didn’t see it coming until we went to visit him in the hospice. That is when it hit me. Hard. I knew that it was coming eventually; he did have spinal cancer and was the spry young age of 87 after all. I just wasn’t expecting it this fast. I had so little time to converse with him; learn from him; get to know him. It doesn’t seem fair somehow. And yes this is entirely selfish but I think that he enjoyed our conversations as much as I did. He had a brilliant mind to go along with his artistic and creative abilities that is unrivaled in my eyes.

The only artwork that we have in the house is from his hand. They are among my most cherished items.

About 3 years ago I was hospitalized for 9 days and Galen and Priscilla came to visit me. I was surprised to find out that they were coming; I had not had much interaction with either of them for most of my life. It was around Easter and although I abhor religious holidays I do enjoy chocolate. They brought me a giant chocolate bunny and we sat and talked for a while. I had only vague memories of Galen being very religious and was fairly certain that I was going to hear some preaching. I didn’t. We just talked. There was no religious talk whatsoever. It really was a pleasant surprise and great visit. I found out later that my memories of his religious beliefs were just that, memories. He was no longer involved with the church and after many conversations and input from others I discovered that we had more in common than ever. We both hated organized religions and doubted the existence of a god in any form.

I am much more militant about my atheist beliefs than he was but there were a lot of points that we could agree on and in the past 3 years we have had some great talks. He even handed a folded paper to me at a family get together that was a couples of pages of his musings and beliefs on religion. I still have it. It meant so much to me that he would take the time to write out his thoughts and give them to me. I read it right then and there and tried to return it to him but he would have none of it. It was mine to keep he said. We talked briefly about what he had written but as is the case of so many family get togethers there was too much going on and too many people wanting to talk to one or the other of us. I had wanted to follow up with him and talk some more but it never happened. Just a short time later he was hospitalized and I only saw him one more time. He was not conscious and so we never got to finish our conversation.

There was a nice memorial service at their house in New Durham the Sunday following his death and I had the opportunity to share some of my thoughts and memories with the assembled family. It was rough but it was nice to see so many people who loved him and had been touched by him. Although I had far too short a time to get to know him, I love him. I miss him. Although I did not see him on a regular basis I miss the knowledge that this wonderful man is in the world and I could look forward to getting to talk to him again.

Holly told me that if anyone I knew was going to come back and tell me “Aww man Hippy, were we ever wrong! There is an afterlife!”, it would be Galen. I have not received any such message or visitation. While not proof that there is no afterlife, I know that if there were any way for him to get a message to me about it, he would.

My biggest comfort is in the quantum theory that there are an infinite number of parallel universes that contain every possibility. I know that in at least one of them, Galen and I are still able to have conversations and who knows, maybe we found each other sooner and had longer to enjoy those conversations.

I seem to recall a time when creativity burst forth from my mind at the speed of thought. I don’t care what that arrogant genius Einstein has to say about it, thoughts are far faster than the speed of light. What happened to my creativity? As I have aged has the basic structure of my brain changed such that creativity is less important than survival and my neurons have rewired themselves into survival mode? Disturbing thought. Usurped by my own mind. Bastard. But seriously…or as serious as I can get…has anyone else noticed this? I read plenty. I watch movies and documentaries. I love increasing the knowledge with reading news articles, tech blogs and the like. I am enrolled full-time in college. What else could it be but age? I seriously would like to hear your input.

This I Believe

I believe there is no god. I don’t care what you choose to call him: God, Allah, Yahweh, A Higher Power, etc. I believe in mathematics, science and physics. I believe all the fundamental characteristics of our Universe are readily expressed in the language of math, not mysticism. Thousands of years ago our ancestors looked at the night sky and saw mythical beasts, gods and warriors. Today we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these are nothing more than patterns in the stars, galaxies and planets that our brains impose on the night sky. I believe that it is past time for us as a species to move beyond our beliefs in mythic creatures and imaginary, all-powerful, all-knowing beings in the sky. I believe our world has seen enough atrocities committed in the fervent belief in one god or another. I believe that the “Dark Ages” will never be truly over until we can throw off these belief structures that continually pollute our history. I am reasonably sure that some are praying for my mortal soul at this point and I am saddened. I believe that you should worry more about what is done in the name of your “god-man-deity-being” and the belief systems that you hold so dear and stop worrying about me and others like me. Delve into the science. Learn the Truth about evolution. Throw of the yoke of guilt over imagined “sins” and think. We have a massive frontal lobe in our brains and I believe it is time we start using them more and our beliefs in imaginary deities in the sky less. This I Believe.

http://thelastword.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/10/14/5293060-councilman-gives-teary-plea-to-gay-teens

So I read Tales of Wonder: Adventures Chasing the Divine, an Autobiography by Huston Smith last night. What an incredible life that man has lived. I know that most of you would scratch your heads and think, But Hippy! you are an atheist, what could you possibly like about such a book? Atheist or no, the religions of man fascinate me. There is a part towards the end of the book that perfectly describes the way that I wish believers of all the world’s faiths would act towards each other. (I am only going to paraphrase some so you can go read the book for yourselves and draw your own insights, conclusions, etc. )

The capitalization of the name creates the divinity: The Almighty, God, One etc etc.
In my mind this means that no matter the name you choose it all refers to the same unknowable deity/concept. Too many people are caught up in their own dogma to even consider the possibility that a person of a different faith or background are just as right in their own terminology/concepts. Whether it be God or Allah, or any of the other multitude of names, it is all the same concept of a higher, divine being. Focus a bit more on the teachings of the faith, ie. be good to each other, forgiveness, love in and for all things, etc and less on the dogmatic names and religious piety that your way is the ONLY way.

Just my two cents and I am bound to post more about the divine and enlightenment in the near future. Here is a glimpse of the things I have been reading of late:

1. What the Dormouse Said by John Markoff
2. The Perennial Philosophy by Aldous Huxley
3. Harlot’s Ghost by Norman Mailer
4. Ayahuasca, Sacred Vine of Spirits edited by Ralph Metzner

You can see some more books in my widget below:

Far beyond the stark beauty of the trees that have shed their summer leaves and settled in for the long New England sleep there is a beauty. From the deepest of indigo, into the powdery blue, and beyond that into shades of peach and crimson, there lies a promise on this cloudless morning of warmth and sunshine. There can be no more beautiful time of day than when the sun is rising or setting. The range of colous goes beyond a mere rainbow, and yet that is all it is: a rainbow on steroids.

I wish in the deepest recesses of my heart that I had a command of the language like Leonard Cohen or Hunter S. Thompson. Alas, this little paragraph will have to suffice.

I missed all the Sunday news talk shows due to a second hangover in as many days so I can’t comment on them this week. I would like to touch on the post I made about Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment Hour on Countdown the other night though. Read the rest of this entry…

For a long time after having quit LSD I would randomly get flashbacks. They mostly manifested while looking into the blinking of a flame or the broken coloring of sand. I know, weird, but true. I used to love these little visitors. They came like a postcard from the past and brighten the day for me while I reveled in their colors and waves of chaotic energy. Sadly even the memories of these visitors are now faded in my mind’s eye. I can still describe to you what they were like but it has all the imagery of a toddler trying to describe advanced quantum physics. The premise is there but it bears no life. A caricature of a an afterthought of a grand idea, so to speak. Get it? Nah me either. It makes sense in my head but the words fail me utterly.

I might add more to this later…so stay tuned.

So another year has passed since that dreadful day. I have no personal connection to the blackest day in my lifetime but I can’t get past it for some reason. Every year I have to watch all the specials about that day. I have to watch the full rebroadcast that MSNBC does of the Today Show’s coverage “as it happened”. It’s a wound that will not heal and I keep picking the scab off every 12 months regardless of the pain that it will bring. I don’t know why. I guess I feel that it is something that should never be forgotten, and this is my way of remembering it. Read the rest of this entry…

Oh man my disinterest in the human condition has taken a turn for the worse. I am disinterested, disheartened, nay even down right disgusted. I cannot point to any single thing or issue that has brought these feelings on, I have always been rather disappointed in the human race, it has just gotten worse lately. Read the rest of this entry…