More Unaswerables

It has been just over a year. I still know nothing more than I did then. I didn’t get to say goodbye.

30 years ago we were the 3 Musketeers. Concerts, cruising around, camping, and lots of other shenanigans. I never thought of saying goodbye forever. It was always ‘see you later’ or some such. The last time the 3 of us were together was at my wedding. We hadn’t all been together for years and yet it seemed like just days. I wish I knew what happened. I wish it hadn’t happened. Toasting by way text on his birthday was a new level of wrongness. Fuck I hate getting old. Love you man. Wish you were here.

Travels by Night

The fire had burned brightly and I’d basked in its glow
Now huddled closer as its embers burned low
The light and heat fading, I gathered myself and prepared to go

As I put its faint light to my back
I walked away knowing I could not turn back
Step after step further travels along my track

Crossing the field I looked back on my life
Each time I turned the fire seemed ever more bright
But still I stumbled on into the dark silence of night

Crossing the creek I turned one last time
My tracks on the field a trampled faint line
The light of the fire still more brightly did shine

Unknown ahead of me I went on with a sigh
Thinking of brighter days now gone by

Sky Dive Mind Dive

(not sure of the original date on this one)

Sky Dive Mind Dive

Witness the insanity and terror.

Far away from anything I have ever known

I see trepidation, fear, awe, raw power coursing through virgin territories of the mind. Must confess, admit, a jealous streak at my not sharing in those feelings and all the ones I cannot even begin to imagine.

I MUST do this! Not just “someday” but soon. To stare fear, reservation and death straight in its unblinking eye and scream. I can only imagine how truly alive it must make you feel to come up against all that and go ahead anyway.

I wonder if ego-loss enters into the experience at all? Or is it the opposite? do you come away with a larger than life ego because you stared death in the face and leapt, to your possible demise, anyway?

Questions. No answers until experience comes first hand.

Wind. Ground rushing up at you with ever increasing speed. Adrenal gland on overload pumping the body full of endorphins and mescaline-like effects.

Sheer, unadulterated, intense experience.

What would this sensory instense experience be like with a hallucinogen added to the equation? Could the human mind handle it? Tandem jump would likely be the recommended method. That is, assuming you could find anyone to recommend tripping during free fall. With the already prevalent feelings of flight/flying while tripping I can only imagine that free falling would bring them to life in a whole new way. To see the blue while at the same time falling through the blue. Clouds below with no metal skin of an aircraft offering the illusion of security and safety.

4:20!!! Don’t I wish! Still well within the grasp of getting high this morning. Love looking at the world through the eyes of child-like innocence and wonder. So refreshing to see everything as new and fresh and full of life and hope. Spend far too much time looking at this world through shit colored glasses. Getting out of that mindset is a great and wonderful thing. Although I must admit that it is getting harder and harder to get out of that mindset without the help of drugs. This can’t be a good thing.

If I can’t control my mind without the effects of self-prescribed drugs then what is the point? Mind expansion is only beneficial if you can curb, limit, or stop the contraction of the mind afterwards. There can essentially be no afterwards. Every moment has to be lived, explored, relished as an infinite thing rapidly rushing past to join with the next. Only in this way can you put off the encroaching and impending contraction of the expanded and altered state of mind.

 

Reality is perception. Perceive your own reality and mold it and shape it in any way that you can, and see fit. Realize that this reality will, wuite likely, warp, twist, change, alter and morph into other realities. This should not be attempted to be controlled. Neither should it be allowed to be all consuming. A small amount of mental exercise exerted at the right time will greatly affect the amount of control you have or need at any given time.

Reality and perception go in hand and are interchangeable terms for the experience. As soon as you can come to terms with this inescapable fact, mind expansion, reality tunnels, and your own reality can be altered as much or as little as is wanted or needed.

Think of reality, your own perception of it, as a strand of thread. Sure, it can be pulled taut and made into a straight, unwavering line, but think of it in all it’s other possible states. It can be twisted, looped, wrapped around on itself. Now picture that strand in an infinite number of strands that collectively make up on large, indeed immense rope. At every point that your strand comes in contact with any other strand, that is an interaction with that strand. You can choose to soak up the energy from the interaction as a learning experience gained from the other strand’s perspective or you can choose to change the shape of your strand and move away. Either way, you should have managed to cull some sort of knowledge or insight that you previously lacked. If not, you are not trying hard enough or you are one of the millions of strands that refuse to see the experiences and intuitions of other strands that do not share in your perspective.

This is fine for most of the masses of strands; but for you, the mind explorer and expansion traveller, it can be severely limiting and even counter productive to you ultimate quest for knowledge.

Back to the strands…

Looking again at this infinite cluster of strands, you can, or should, see all the possible interactions and opportunities for learning and experiencing alternate points of view. Choose wisely and soak up the experiences that all these interactions offer.

Somehow these pages have begun turning into a manifesto of sorts or perhaps a literation of my beliefs and philosophy. Depends on whether the Unabomber affected your attenuation to the word “manifesto”.

Sunrise and Ineptitude

Far beyond the stark beauty of the trees that have shed their summer leaves and settled in for the long New England sleep there is a beauty. From the deepest of indigo, into the powdery blue, and beyond that into shades of peach and crimson, there lies a promise on this cloudless morning of warmth and sunshine. There can be no more beautiful time of day than when the sun is rising or setting. The range of colous goes beyond a mere rainbow, and yet that is all it is: a rainbow on steroids.

I wish in the deepest recesses of my heart that I had a command of the language like Leonard Cohen or Hunter S. Thompson. Alas, this little paragraph will have to suffice.

Cosmic Trigger and Observations

originally written on April 15, 2003

After reading Cosmic Trigger III by R. A. Wilson I feel it necessary to rethink a lot of the idioms and expressions that I use so frequently. I also feel compelled to do away with my use of the verbs IS and ARE. The use of these verbs and their alluding to the sense of ‘allness’ appears to be demonstrated veryefficiently by Wilson. This is going to require quite a bit of reprogramming of use of the English language, as evidenced by my continual use of those verbs in writing this. E-Prime shall be my new language and I will attempt to do away with the dogmatic use of the American-English language.

I read an article in the latest issue of CPU magazine (April 2003) about scientists who have discovered a way of “printing” human, and presumably non-human organs by making use of an ink jet printer. Since I lack the scientific knowledge to explain this process in detail I will paraphrase the article and if so inclined you can go out and find the article and read it through for yourself.

Vladimir Mironov of the Medical University of South Carolina and Thomas Boland of Clemson University have devised a method using an ink jet printer to build up layers of cells to acheive the sythesis of a human organ. The layers are separated by a thin film of biodegradable gel which, when washed out after completion of printing, allows the cells to touch and form a bond. The main problem that they are having now is supplying the “printed” tissue with blood and circulatory nourishment. Although construction of tubes in the “printed” organ is possible, it will be 10 to 15 years before a fully functioning “printed” circulatory network will be acheived.

This discovered process of “printing” organs to meet the specifications of any given patient could open a whole new world to us as a race and bring us one step closer to immortality. Think of it. As each organ begins to break down in our bodies we could have new ones “printed” up and undergo a transplant to remove the defective part. This gives us the possibilty of extending human life expectancy indefinitely. Talk about an incredible inovation. Think of the possible applications for this kind of scientific breakthrough. A whole host of maladies and diseases could potentially fall by the wayside as a result of this.

Along another line….

The start of a TV show on Animal Planet caught my eye the other day. There, in the middle of the screen was a pentagon of light. Not exactly mindblowing but it made me stop and pay attention. The first animal I saw after that was a hawk. Synchronicity. I had been reading baout Uri Geller and the hawk maifestation earlier that day. Coincidence? Synchronicity? Or just my mind drawing parallels? YES! as in All of the Above.

Poetic Cosmos

originally written on February 20, 2003

Hope springs eternal
despite the infernal
worse the internal
delusions of man

Crushed under heal
spirit can heal
worse never feel
the contusions of man

Looking for signs
behind the designs
Closed eye never finds
the illusions of man

Back into the ground
no tears found
worse no sound
the conclusion of man

Untitled II

Alive in the fifth
but drowning in the second
Programming
went awry
only wish to die

Smile
you’re a god
one of a kind
come back down
only to find
Human fears

Concerns overwhelm
close in
drowning me

Meta-nothing
means everything
Caught in my throat
a scream escapes

Drowning in the fifth
Bring on the second
Someone throw me a lifeboat
Nothing as it seems
My soul it bleeds
Wishing, wanting, dreaming
of yesterday

Outside Thoughts

I sometimes think of what an outsider would think of our little world. I can’t help but think that any spacefaring species would hear us long before they could see us and might be turned away from the sheer volume of all that noise. Provided that some would venture close enough to take a look I can imagine that they would think us such an awful and backwards race. As we have “advanced” in technology we have littered our world, and even the immediate vicinty, with so much debris that it must be the way that we here would look upon a house with a front lawn littered with unworking vehicles and other detritus. Advanced! the peoples of our world scream. We are so smart! they clamor all in a hurry to congratulate themselves on even the mos modest echievement. Take yourself outside this view and try for a moment to see it with fresh eyes and, like me, you may not be so proud. It’s sad really that for all our “advancements” we can not get much further of this little speck of rock much more than a toddler can jump off the floor. And yet we congratulate and celebrate a space program that has really given us nothing since landing on the moon. Well except Teflon and aerogel.

Moving Things

I sat and watched a lone ant going about his antly business. And the more I watched this single ant, I realized he was just one among a whole group of ants going about their antly business. I lost track of my single ant among all the other ants and increased my field of view. I sat and watched all the moving things on the ground and realized my ants going about their antly business were just one more moving thing among the other moving things on the ground. The shade of the leaves from the tree above cast it’s shadows in moving patterns in the wind. The moving shadows sliding over the moving things on a moving ground began to make my head swim so I looked up at the leaves swaying in the breeze with their shadows sliding over my face and eyes. Beyond the swaying of the leaves I caught glimpses of the moving clouds. They slid silently between the shifting leaves of the swaying tree and my head began to swim with all the moving and sliding and shifting of the things. I cast my gaze out across the gently rolling grass and my eyes landed on the water. I sat and watched as the waves rose and fell and cast themselves on the sand of the beach. The moving leaves shadowing the moving ground below the moving sky reflected in the moving water made my head swim and I closed my eyes to all of it.

There, behind the lids of my eyes, I found moving lights of various colors. Moving things everywhere! Will my head ever stop swimming? I cried out ‘Stop! Please’ and I opened my eyes again to find all the moving things still in their places still doing all their moving things…and I sighed and went back inside where there are far fewer moving things and I collapsed into a chair determined to not be one.