Scraps of digital me

It is a like any other day. Strike that. It is a day EXACTLY like EVERY other day. I tell myself that today, this glorious day, will be different…but it never is. Today is the day that I must write, I tell myself…but I never do it. And so, here I am staring into the digitally pixelized interweb online version of my sad little life wondering what to write. There are thoughts, a great many of them in fact. There are mentally fleshed out stories that I could work on…but I won’t. You see I tell myself daily that this day I will set pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and I will write…but I won’t. There are far too many things to distractingly digital to put aside for even the most pathetic of writing…sucj as what you are reading now, I know. It doesn’t comfort me that I am writing it any more than it comforts you to be reading it. I apologize. You see there are always just a few more thousand points to score on Bejeweled Blitz. I know that if I only play that one last game I will get an truly righteous high score…but I don’t. Its not as if I am sitting here for hours playing a silly game! I am playing a game that lasts 60 seconds, and it is always just one more game, one more minute…until all the minutes in the day are used up in color matching. Digitized online life in a time suck. And a mind suck come to think of it. Instead of being away from the computer actually talking to people I spend hours reading little blurbs on Facebook or Twitter by random people, many of which I don’t actually know…wasting my time and my life 140 characters at a time(for twitter anyway. not sure what the post length limit is for facebook. note to self: waste time on facebook to find out the max length of a post.)

I have a part of my mind that is reserved just for these colossal wastes of time and I call him Jones. Yes, Jones. Why? Well, because if I don’t sit in front of a computer for as much time as humanly possible he comes to the forefront of my mind and insists that there is some vital piece of email or posting that I am missing. He sends the rest of my mind into withdrawal mode…thus his Name Is Jones. Even as I read a really fantastic book by his holiness Arthur C. Clarke this sad little mental man, Jones, will not go to sleep and leave me in peace for a spell. Perish the thought. But today, unlike every other day, I am beating him back into his corner with a rather large and painful looking stick. Okay so it is really just a mental tongue lashing. But still…

Scraps of poetry float through my head. Lyrics by Megadeth and Train accompany them. Haiku eludes me. Hyperbole, metaphor and simile do as well. “If I know I’m going crazy, I must not be insane.” a scrap of Megadeth. Sigh.

So I managed to break out of the loop of facebook/twitter/bejeweled etc. Now what? Tomorrow, or later, I may be able to actually write something of consequence.

Cosmic Trigger and Observations

originally written on April 15, 2003

After reading Cosmic Trigger III by R. A. Wilson I feel it necessary to rethink a lot of the idioms and expressions that I use so frequently. I also feel compelled to do away with my use of the verbs IS and ARE. The use of these verbs and their alluding to the sense of ‘allness’ appears to be demonstrated veryefficiently by Wilson. This is going to require quite a bit of reprogramming of use of the English language, as evidenced by my continual use of those verbs in writing this. E-Prime shall be my new language and I will attempt to do away with the dogmatic use of the American-English language.

I read an article in the latest issue of CPU magazine (April 2003) about scientists who have discovered a way of “printing” human, and presumably non-human organs by making use of an ink jet printer. Since I lack the scientific knowledge to explain this process in detail I will paraphrase the article and if so inclined you can go out and find the article and read it through for yourself.

Vladimir Mironov of the Medical University of South Carolina and Thomas Boland of Clemson University have devised a method using an ink jet printer to build up layers of cells to acheive the sythesis of a human organ. The layers are separated by a thin film of biodegradable gel which, when washed out after completion of printing, allows the cells to touch and form a bond. The main problem that they are having now is supplying the “printed” tissue with blood and circulatory nourishment. Although construction of tubes in the “printed” organ is possible, it will be 10 to 15 years before a fully functioning “printed” circulatory network will be acheived.

This discovered process of “printing” organs to meet the specifications of any given patient could open a whole new world to us as a race and bring us one step closer to immortality. Think of it. As each organ begins to break down in our bodies we could have new ones “printed” up and undergo a transplant to remove the defective part. This gives us the possibilty of extending human life expectancy indefinitely. Talk about an incredible inovation. Think of the possible applications for this kind of scientific breakthrough. A whole host of maladies and diseases could potentially fall by the wayside as a result of this.

Along another line….

The start of a TV show on Animal Planet caught my eye the other day. There, in the middle of the screen was a pentagon of light. Not exactly mindblowing but it made me stop and pay attention. The first animal I saw after that was a hawk. Synchronicity. I had been reading baout Uri Geller and the hawk maifestation earlier that day. Coincidence? Synchronicity? Or just my mind drawing parallels? YES! as in All of the Above.

Untitled II

Alive in the fifth
but drowning in the second
Programming
went awry
only wish to die

Smile
you’re a god
one of a kind
come back down
only to find
Human fears

Concerns overwhelm
close in
drowning me

Meta-nothing
means everything
Caught in my throat
a scream escapes

Drowning in the fifth
Bring on the second
Someone throw me a lifeboat
Nothing as it seems
My soul it bleeds
Wishing, wanting, dreaming
of yesterday

Moving Things

I sat and watched a lone ant going about his antly business. And the more I watched this single ant, I realized he was just one among a whole group of ants going about their antly business. I lost track of my single ant among all the other ants and increased my field of view. I sat and watched all the moving things on the ground and realized my ants going about their antly business were just one more moving thing among the other moving things on the ground. The shade of the leaves from the tree above cast it’s shadows in moving patterns in the wind. The moving shadows sliding over the moving things on a moving ground began to make my head swim so I looked up at the leaves swaying in the breeze with their shadows sliding over my face and eyes. Beyond the swaying of the leaves I caught glimpses of the moving clouds. They slid silently between the shifting leaves of the swaying tree and my head began to swim with all the moving and sliding and shifting of the things. I cast my gaze out across the gently rolling grass and my eyes landed on the water. I sat and watched as the waves rose and fell and cast themselves on the sand of the beach. The moving leaves shadowing the moving ground below the moving sky reflected in the moving water made my head swim and I closed my eyes to all of it.

There, behind the lids of my eyes, I found moving lights of various colors. Moving things everywhere! Will my head ever stop swimming? I cried out ‘Stop! Please’ and I opened my eyes again to find all the moving things still in their places still doing all their moving things…and I sighed and went back inside where there are far fewer moving things and I collapsed into a chair determined to not be one.